3:18 p.m. - 2006-03-30
Small Changes
I obviously didn't stay sober very long. My BF is long gone since Valentines Day although we've talked and it's friendly between us at this time. But he's too *something*, I can't put my finger on the word, for me but one word that fits is MEAN.
Last week I started forcing myself not to go to the club and to stop making that the center of my social life and develop the ability to just go home and spend time with the dog and relax and not feel so driven to feel people around me.
Half the time I'd be at the Club and I'd look around and wonder what the fuck am I doing here anyhow? I don't fit with these people. They aren't like me in anyway except for being fellow alcoholics. I had no one I'd consider dating and most of the women are too young to be my friend. They have different issues.
I also set my time to start drinking gradually from 8:30 to 9PM. I'm trying to feel good about just two drinks and a ten PM bedtime but I often have a 3rd drink because I'm interested in something that starts at 10. I'm going to push it to 9:30 and go to bed at 10:30 and just fall asleep to whatever is so interesting.
That should bring me to two drinks. When I wait that long lots of times I start to feel like why have any at this point? I hope that becomes a habit. But I have to stay away from the Moose, especially weeknights, for this to work or else someone else's pouring controls me. I never think M pours me a whole shot which I use as an excuse to drink more at home. This way I have no excuse.
I can't wait till I don't drink week nights at all.
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